The Latest Episode
I’m starting at the end, as it is. I find my past hard to dig into; I figure telling the horrors a different way, may feel a little less mortifying. My last fulI-blown episode was August 3rd, this year. Most of the episode was recorded and shown to me. Talk about embarrassing. I really needed bipolar therapy.
I was in a dark room with a huge wall-mounted television. I was trying to tear the sheets that were next to me on the floor. I rock back and forth, finding no relief. I tear at the sheet again and again. Again, with the damn sheets. There’s no tearing them apart. I stand up and walk through the open door, when a woman gets in my face and uses her body to move me back. “Get back! Stay over there!” she yelled at me. Then I notice my husband and he’s got a hold of my arm. I look through the doorway and noticed the lady who got in my face, is a nurse. She’s manning the doorway because I had tried to escape a few times already. I was told that I started getting naked and I peed on my bed, sitting down, just chillin’. I began hallucinating, seeing my biggest fear: spiders. I wasn't scared now though. It looked like a veil of wallpaper was slather all over the walls and floor. My skin crawled, like scattering shots to the skin. I was quite hostile, trying to get past that damn door. Amongst my oldest son, my husband and the nurse, I was left with several bruises on my arms and chest from being restrained. I have snippets of being held captive that night. My husband said that they had to put me down to transfer me to detox.
I got out of detox 2 days later because I surrendered myself to the hospital, so it was up to me when I left after the hold was up. I chose home. I wasn't addicted to anything, so I wasn't in danger of withdrawals. I didn't need detox. I had already stopped drinking. I'm almost a month sober now. My kids are very proud of me. Sweet relief. It makes me feel really strong.